"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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