so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
