mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize