You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
