i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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