The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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