batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
