I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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