Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
