ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
