Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
