And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
jump out the window naked night went bad
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