I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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