I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
