How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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