Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
