i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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