Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize