Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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