I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
