Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
