Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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