So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
