The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
