Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
