So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
