you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
