so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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