I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
