one two three fourrrrnication!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
