Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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