the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
