There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
