I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
