So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
