my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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