I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I had to cum in my sink.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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