Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
