you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
