K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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