I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
