If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
