maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
