I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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