I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
