I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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