Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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