Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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