Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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