That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I can't turn off my feet"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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