is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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