I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
