Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
