I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
