She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize