Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
