I got chris browned last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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