and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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