I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
