I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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