I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
