In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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