He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
