I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
