Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize