Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Drunk is not a location!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
