so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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