She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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