I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
