I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
