y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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