Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
