I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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