Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
