Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
