remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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