got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I intend to get homeless drunk
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
