pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
