people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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